Master of the Arts

A good lie is easier to believe than the truth. Lying is a skill like any other: if you want to maintain a level of excellence, you have to practice. For example:

• I say 'No, no you look fine'; I think 'I'll look good by comparison'
• I say (to Bank of Scotland call handler) 'Thanks for your help'; I think 'Useless fuckclump'
• I say 'Sorry I didn't answer your call, my phone was in the other room'; I think 'I was busy eating cake'

I'd like to set up a lying academy. The Peter Mandleson Academy of the Dark Arts: the truth is just an excuse for a lack of imagination.

Word of the day: Psychonaut - sailor of the mind